***SPOILERS AHEAD***
Let’s be honest. Some of us (*COUGH COUGH*…Me) will be spending Valentine’s Day alone.
For those of you (*COUGH COUGH*…Not Me) who were able to cuff yourselves to someone else, you’re gonna need to make plans.
If you’re cutting it close and still have no idea what you want to do with your significant other this Halloween Valentine’s Day, don’t worry. I got you.
Here are 5 SUPER terrifying romantic locations you may want to take your lover:
1. Go To A Cave!
Are you one of those adventurous couples? Do you like the thrill of putting yourselves in danger you totally could have avoided by just staying home and watching a movie? Then, the caves of Appalachia are for you! Get lost in an only-recently-discovered, and therefore unmapped, tunnel system. Crawl through spaces that can’t possibly fit both you, your loved one, and all of your equipment. And when your sweetie pie sees what appear to be super pale humans off in the distance, roll the love dice you brought to decide which one of you will be sacrificed to the creatures first…
Cause let’s face it…neither one of you are probably getting out alive.
2. A Night at the Ballet!
Do you and your lover swim in sophisticated waters? Are you a pair that prefers the grand stage over the big screen? Why not spend the evening gazing at the beauty that is the New York City Ballet and their rendition of “Swan Lake”? Bask in the beauty and become entranced by the classic score. Buy your tickets for the front row, for when the Prima Ballerina stabs herself by accident during a mental breakdown brought on by the years of abuse she suffered due to her grueling profession and the awful people in her life…
You’re going to want the best view possible. Warning: First two rows may get wet!
3. A Day at the Lake!
Do you and your partner know how to relax? Are you the type that love to face the unpredictability of nature head on (or off)? Then, Camp Crystal Lake is for you! Lay a couple of towels out and let the sun do its thing. Or put on your suits and jump into the cool lake, murky enough that you can’t see the body of the boy who drowned in it all those years ago. Worried that you’ll be TOO lazy and gain weight on this trip? Don’t be! There’s plenty of activities, like running (away), crouching (to hide), and crawling (once you’ve tripped over nothing)…
Bring good shoes!
4. A Trip to the Mall!
Maybe you’re the kind of couple that enjoys the finer things in life? Jimmy Choo. Calvin Klein. Rolex. All the brand names! Why not spend the Day of Love buying each other’s company at the Monroeville Mall? Get your own set of keys to every store and bank inside and run around like you own the place. And maybe you will own the place! Possibly because you’ll be the only living one’s there. Oh, but you won’t be lonely. You’ll have each other…
And the army of the undead that got trapped inside. Happy shopping!
5. Visit Your Dreams!
Looking to turn your home into an exciting expedition for the night? Gaze into the eyes of the one you love moments before you fall asleep in the comfort of each other’s arms. Be filled with wonder as you realize you’ve stumbled into your partner’s dream world with just a tiny bit of mental effort. Give the one you love a pinch to see if it’s all real…but not too hard! All feelings experienced in the dream world will be felt in real life. Feelings range from excitement and ecstasy to terror and even death.
Look out for your host, Fredrick. If you have any questions, he’ll be the one in the striped sweater.
Happy Valentine’s Day…and good luck!
Hearts & Guts,
Maire G.
P.S. All images are links to products for purchase. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
